Expecting a child: the psychology of pregnancy and readiness for motherhood

There are a number of factors that shape a woman’s adaptation to pregnancy and motherhood. At first glance these could be the history and personal experiences of the mother-to-be; the present relationships in the family and with the partner; the qualities of her personality; her attitude towards her own body and the physical changes that inevitably follow during pregnancy; the particular features of the bond with the future child, and so on. Ensuring healthy conditions for the development of the foetus is part of the woman’s personal sphere.

For better or worse, the breakdown of traditional ideas and models of the family has also led to a change in the role of women. A woman now lives with other priorities; in many cases pregnancy and childbirth are seen as a period of weakness and of losing influence and position at work. Pregnancy is sometimes unwanted, unexpected and surprising, the result of chance and insufficient caution. Seeing pregnancy this way in no way helps either the future child or the future mother.

Psychological unreadiness for childbirth and motherhood has its excuses. The economic stability being sought is never quite enough, and for some mothers this leads to belated motherhood with heightened responsibility and anxiety. In other mothers it shows as handing over the responsibility and care for the child entirely to people close to them (grandmothers, nannies). And this is pure escape, an abdication of motherhood, parenthood from time to time. Although the need to be a mother is laid down by nature itself, the social norms, attitudes and values of civilisation give rise to the contagion of seeming rather than being, and so exert their ruinous influence. Escaping from normality, from the essence of our human nature, is escaping from what is healthy, and it leads to illness. The plague of our times is the refusal to live through one’s own emotions.

It is a misconception that only with birth and the first breath of air does the child begin its life’s journey, as if its life in the womb did not count. There are a number of studies that give us an idea of its emotions and feelings during this period. The leading ones are, of course, those of the mother, and they inevitably affect the wellbeing of the foetus. The main sources of stress for the foetus are the family environment, the mother and the father. The mother is the object of the child’s first love, and her inadequate response (ignoring the presence of the foetus, anxiety, absence and lack of physical contact) is perceived by the child as lack of love, as abandonment, and has a serious psychologically traumatising effect. The lack of physical contact has an adverse effect on the child’s emotional development. The mother’s psychological separation from the newborn is unpleasant for the child; it leads to a lowering of psychological tone and mood, and to a growing sense of anxiety and insecurity.

During pregnancy, psychological problems from the mother’s own childhood that were never worked through may come to the surface, as may her relationship with her own mother, family conflicts, rising anxiety and increased suggestibility.

What happens to a woman during pregnancy?

What changes take place in the motivational sphere?

How can we prepare ourselves psychologically for the baby on the way?

In the earliest stage of pregnancy (up to week 12–14) the woman is still not very clear about what is happening to her and what lies ahead, and her experiences are mainly connected with deciding whether to keep the pregnancy. The exception are women who decided in advance to have a child; for them the pregnancy is planned and expected. For some women pregnancy is also seen as an insurmountable obstacle on the path of professional development. Other women show no strong wish to become mothers; they resign themselves to the situation or submit to the will of their relatives, fall back on formal reasons connected with the demographic collapse, or on “that is how it should be, because we are a family” (“my husband insists that we have a child” and so on). Another feature of this period is taking in the news that the pregnancy is a fact. Personally realising and accepting this news is strictly individual, both for the mother and for everyone else. How the father and the family will react, whether they will express support or rejection, may prove decisive and determine the subsequent attitude and actions towards the foetus. In the initial period there is also a marked reorganisation and change of priorities; the motives connected with motherhood are still weakly expressed and unclear. But what happens in the next stage (weeks 14–28)? The dominant experience is the one connected with the movement of the foetus. From here on, the reality of the future child becomes evident to the woman, and from this comes the separation between “I” and “the child”. The mother’s first opportunity for real rather than imagined interaction with the foetus appears. It is precisely these new relationships, in which the child becomes the initiator of contact, which the woman in turn supports and sustains. Keeping track of the foetus’s movements, trying to take a position in which the child would feel more comfortable. Eating fuller and healthier food that also suits the child’s needs. The idea of motherhood becomes clearer and more concrete. During the last stage of pregnancy (from week 28 until birth) the experience of preparing for the birth and for the child’s arrival at home comes to the fore, and the wish to see the child and get to know them grows. Women who are ready to become mothers await their child with great love and usually link the active movement of the foetus, or its stillness, to its pattern of sleeping, playing or feeding. They see its behaviour as a response to a particular influence from the environment. An active attitude towards the child takes shape. Attachment and tenderness towards the child appear even before it comes into the world. As the end of pregnancy approaches, the image of the real home situation becomes emotionally charged; renovations and practical steps to prepare the home for the child’s arrival begin. Then come the preparation for the birth itself and the experience of it.

The period of pregnancy is a unique opportunity for a woman’s personal growth and a decisive step towards maturity and self-respect. It is filled with many different experiences connected with the change of the physical self and with perceiving one’s own existence as shared with another being – the future child. It reveals the features of the woman’s personality and character, which are decisive for her interaction with the child.

Published in Zdravey magazine.