Menopause in women: some psychological aspects
It is often thought that a woman’s activity is directly tied to her mission to give birth to her children and raise them. Usually in the years after 50, when the first signs of menopause appear in women, the children have already gone their own way. They need their mothers less and less. What remains is caring for elderly parents, if there are any, or waiting for grandchildren. Our own feelings and desires, our appearance, matter to us less and less. And it is as if the main female social role runs out by the time the first signs of menopause appear; after it, we wait for old age.
We begin to lead a life in which our female nature stays in the background; we begin to think that we no longer need it, we try to hide it, to run away from it, and each of us does this in her own way.
We build the image of great professionals, often even with a cigarette in hand and a lot of smoke around us, with our femininity erased: strict and uncompromising businesswomen who strike fear and terror into their colleagues. We work hard and load ourselves to the limit with more and more work in order to run away from ourselves. We control the lives of those close to us.
We hold on tight to the pot and the ladle and barricade ourselves in the kitchen behind the stove, so that no one might by chance notice that we are women and still go on being women. We become great cooks and reach culinary heights, only to present yet another dish to hide behind once again.
Everyone knows how old we are and expects us to accept that our female nature is leaving us, and that it is normal and even socially acceptable to begin leading a self-effacing way of life. To be at the service of family and colleagues, whether we like it or not. We ourselves also carry this idea within us. It is a product of upbringing and culture; this is how our grandmothers and mothers behaved. It is a socially acceptable position, which we inevitably adopt because we think that this is how it should be. We step into the role assigned to us in advance and stop wanting to break out of the stereotype. We stop wanting to be happy.
This is how we fall into a state that often accompanies the different stages of menopause – depression.
The signs could be: a feeling of sudden sorrow, anger, irritability, strong anxiety, a sense of guilt, tension, sensitivity, low spirits, withdrawal, loss of mood, a feeling of hopelessness, self-blame, reduced interest in usual activities, markedly lowered energy, insomnia, lack of appetite, loneliness and others. Some women suffer needlessly because they think the discomfort and the problems are a natural part of ageing. But depression should not be regarded as a natural part of ageing. It is precisely the depressive state that could lead to a pathological course of the climacteric.
Spend your time with the people around you. Women at this stage of life often withdraw from others because they mistakenly believe they are not good company for them. It is very important to make contact with others, especially if you live alone. Set aside time to do what you enjoy. Seek help.
It is entirely natural to feel fear when you know that changes you have never known before are taking place in your body, and that is why it is very important to seek the advice of a doctor who specialises in menopause and to get information about the problems and consequences connected with it, about what exactly is happening to you and what lies ahead. The clarity you gain this way will make you feel more secure and will lessen the sense of fear and hopelessness.
Life goes on – enjoy it every day. Remember your childhood. When you were a girl of 6 or 7, 25-year-olds already seemed far too old to you. But when the day finally came for you, too, to live to that “advanced” age, it turned out that 25 is a wonderful age and not nearly as frightening as it had seemed back then. At 50 you may think that deep old age has already arrived, but just remember your 85-year-old grandmother, who surely regarded those years almost as her youth.
Do not lose your ability to have fun. Avoiding activities that bring joy and pleasure only makes things worse. Keep doing what you enjoy and you will feel like yourself again. Give yourself a rest. Be realistic about the needs and the expectations you set for yourself.
Girls, look at yourselves in the mirror, do something for yourselves. The sense of being a woman is something each of us has and carries with her. Love and happiness are not the privilege of the youngest alone.
Published in Zdravey magazine.