The smile, or the art of being glad
We all know that it is good to smile: “A smile is health.” Pay attention, out in the streets, to whether you meet cheerful, light-hearted people.
We stubbornly confirm the image we have of ourselves as gloomy Balkan types. We hide our smile behind our hand, we are ready to snap at the person next to us on the tram, the tram driver curses everyone in sight, we rush, we overtake recklessly, chasing something very important, only to stop again at the next traffic light. Perhaps we have difficulties and things are not easy for us. We do not dare to feel truly glad and enjoy our happiness, because, just remember the saying, “Too much good is not a good sign.” With this attitude we walk the streets and do not dare to smile. We do not even realise that gloom could make the situation worse and drain the strength we need to fight our troubles, which in most cases seem far more frightening to us than they really are. Envy, fear and aggression ruin our lives and bring estrangement and loneliness.
A sense of humour is a very good character trait, one that every parent would like their child to have. How can we cultivate a spirit of optimism and a smiling attitude to life, a “healthy” environment from which our children can draw strength and energy?
Carried away by the pursuit of great happiness, we fail to see the individual moments that would truly make us happy. We do not notice our children’s smiles; we get carried away by our demands on them and our expectations of them.
It is no coincidence that cheerful people cope more easily with difficult situations. Even distrustful, withdrawn little melancholics who find themselves in cheerful, friendly company manage to “blossom” and begin to smile and communicate more often. We will deal with children’s fears and whims much more easily in the course of a cheerful game. By laughing, we can not only let go of the unpleasant feeling that has gripped us but also see the funny side of the situations we find ourselves in time and again.
Many adults find it hard to accept jokes at their own expense, afraid of losing their authority in the eyes of others and of appearing in a bad light. And others expect more self-criticism from their children than they themselves could bear.
A sense of humour in children cannot appear all at once; it develops in the same way as a sense of aesthetic taste, or the ability to read and write, is formed. More than once we have searched for what is funny in the jokes our children tell. They, in turn, would not be able to grasp the humour in the jokes we tell each other either. This is natural, because we have different life experience and different parameters that shape our thinking and emotions. To learn to communicate with our children, we need to look for a common language with them, for topics to talk and laugh about. Otherwise we risk talking to them in a directive, informative way, with short stock phrases, and nothing more.
How can we make this happen?
Fantasise together; children love doing it. Make up tall tales and take turns telling your own ideas. Imagination can take you very far: you can fly through the streets on Pippi Longstocking’s “bed-plane”, or imagine what would happen if you had a propeller on your back like Karlsson. If you try to join in this creative process at bedtime, on a walk or on a car journey, you will see for yourself that you find something to laugh about together.
When you read a fairy tale, try to act out the different characters with your voice. That way the child will laugh at long-familiar heroes, now seen in a different way.
Give up the commanding tone. Try to look at the situation with humour. Or try to paint in words the same picture years from now, when they have grown up and have children of their own, and how they would act.
It is not good to laugh at children’s shortcomings, to discuss them with friends in their presence and to make jokes at their expense. It is good to be self-critical, but with children it is better to praise and encourage them, not to lower their self-esteem by constantly repeating the negatives. Cuddling and hugging give security and good self-esteem. Once the child gains self-confidence, it will “ripen” by itself to the point of laughing at its own shortcomings. Children know their weak spots very well, but they do not like adults to keep pointing them out.
It is not good to joke about a child’s appearance; this could hurt the child so deeply that it remembers the insult for the rest of its life. It is especially dangerous to joke about something that is impossible or very hard to change. A hairstyle or clothes can be fixed, but the nose, the shape of the eyes, the ears are things one has to live with. Extra kilos, wearing glasses or braces should not be a reason for jokes either. Children who are laughed at at home will not miss the chance to take their “revenge” by passing it on to someone weaker than themselves: a younger brother or sister, or a child at nursery school.
While the child is still small, we must not suppress its natural cheerfulness, which every person has from birth. It is very important that we smile too, that we know how to be glad.
Published in Zdravey magazine.